It’s not a havoc 

I don’t want to reach someday at the stage when I’ll lose sensitivity or the charm of relations. In all through our lives we make efforts for basically two things one is our work and the other is our relations. Both are in our hands and not in our hands at the same time. Seriously I don’t know what to write exactly but there’s such an emotional and thoughtful rush inside me which wants to splurge out. 

Talking about work I’ve absolute no idea where my life is going towards. I’ve cleared the exam and got the job and undergoing the training. I don’t know exactly what interests me nor I know is this the thing I’d be really handeling through out my life. Sometimes I feel it’s all the matter of opportunity and success. If I’ll find success in the same then I might feel that I’m enjoying it. But I’ve still not found that something which I’ll do, which I’ll enjoy, which will bring certain passion out of me and which makes my life worthwhile. I can’t understand how to explore myself now when I couldn’t done it in past 26 years of my life. Everyone has hobby or source of entertainment but I understand that’s different and I’m failing to understand what I need in real. 

And on relation side I don’t think anyone would be as screwed as me in this front. I wish for a simple life but I hate my emotional weaknesses and the issue of getting dependent when I can’t handle myself. I’ve made very wrong choices in past and the worse was building my hopes on them. Hope is the best thing that can happen to you and is the worst when you try to break it by yourself. And you try to break it not because you want it but because you know this hope is hopeless. It hurts. I don’t want to lose my trust and faith in relations and love and the forever bonding but I’m scared to feel in this front. I don’t know whether I’m broken or vanished in this side now. I can’t even blame other people or my luck but sometimes I think you don’t need all sorts of experiences in life. 

I’m still figuring out and not waiting for some miracle to happen. I’m not afraid of mediocre stuff nor wishing for some extraordinary achievements. I’m just looking for bits and pieces of happiness and some real joy. 

A good Saturday. 

I actually wanted to write a poem but I’m not finding any inspiration or thoughts like that. So I thought of writing about my day only as it had been a good day after long. And obviously being a girl and for a person like me shopping, good food and coffee and nice ambience would work wonders. I didn’t go for my yoga classes today and woke up at 11:30am in the morning. After having lunch went for some shopping as it was a day off today. It was a sunny day in winters so pleasant enough to walk out. Shopped some stuffs and ultimately landed up to Sankley’s the mountain cafe in m block gk1 market. It had a nice Christmassy ambience. Calm and peaceful place to sit with soulful music. I ordered white penny pasta and a delicious creamy mocha coffee. The food was delicious and that made my day. Actually before that I even had street momos too thus was full by the end. After coming back to my place I went to jnu campus for some walk and again had a good filter coffee and Upma at India coffee house there. So it was a pleasantly sweet day after long and not filled with messiness and tensions around.  As usual sharing some pics with you of the cafe 😊. For the first time I restrained myself from having wine and I’m happy o this fact. 

    
 

Street food festival 

Today I’ve made plan to go out in street food festival going on in Jawahar Lal Nehru stadium New Delhi with my friends. I’ve heard that it’s a bit costly and the food isn’t that good and was hesitant to spend the afternoon time there. I woke up late and had facial and spa appointment in morning and I reached the festival directly from there. There was a long line in front of entery ticket counter but by the time my other friends reached I bought the Rs60/ person entery coupons. 

We started from the Assam counter and I forgot what it was but sort of idli only made up of rice, a bit namkeen in taste but overall tasteless and I threw it. Then we had a yummy payasam of West Bengal and it was different coz they use jaggery made up of dates. My other friends were also enjoying non veg dishes but I being a vegetarian had limitised myself to aloo tikki chat and tasteless Bihari litti choka and a tasty kilfi and weird moong dal halwa and yes a filling satrangi omelette. Well I’m sharing the few pic I took there and it was a fun overall because of company and wonderful cold weather.  

    
    
    
    
    
   

Mahabalipuram 

My experience of Mahabalipuram was divine and peaceful. It was an unplanned visit with my two batchmates and the moment we reached there we felt so happy. Apart from the whole historical significance, grand structure and sculpt, the whole environment from the sky to the beach was majestic. I’m not describing the history and the story behind the temple but sharing few photographs that were took. We stayed there for whole day and bought few sculptures as souvenir. We walked till late on the lanes of Mahabalipuram and luckily found a taxi which dropped us back to Chennai in just Rs250. 

   
    
    
 

Black. 

  
I don’t know what makes something to be like your favourite. I see sparrows I find them cute, I see pigeon and they scare me, I see peacocks they mesmerise me but crows….they just are my favourite. 

I clicked this pic on way between Calicut and Wayanad when we stopped to have some cake and coffee.  


We were already captivated by the greenery and peace in the air of Kerala. This was my second visit to Kerala but I visited the south Kerala  part before. Btw this blog is more about my favourite bird than about Kerala.

Why I find crow special ! Maybe coz it’s black and so very basic and raw, no shimmering and show off, kind yes it’s very kind and rear cuckoos’ eggs, genius bird with all logical and interpretation senses. I mean I just see crow and I sense some pride and individuality in that bird. It’s not cute nor it’s pet like. It has its own life and it keeps it at ground level. I find charm in it and it’s interesting when you observe it’s routine. I find this captured picture also close to me where the wings ain’t going flat nor upwards. It’s shrill voice isn’t a demerit as per me but I feel this bird doesn’t care what others think about it but always busy doing the duty. 

The tree cover below, the mountains behind and crossing the clouds this picture becomes close to me

The inside dead. 

   
 
Sometimes we click a pic and then create a story about it or try to find meaning in it. Sometimes we just see the thing and click it finding a perspective before. These are those kind of pictures only. They don’t carry any artistic perception as such but the darkness and gloominess I felt while capturing them were enough to bring the sadness in front. 

Especially the first one. The empty diya and a dry lead in it, reminded me of the women in our societies who are unable to reproduce. This is still a stigma in our society and a major cause of divorce and seclusion. The cracks under the diya signifies the stigma and our mentality which pushes the woman in isolation, frustration, ignorance and a blow to her self esteem. 

The second picture signifies the complex web of hypocrisies in our society which never let anyone live peacefully and without notions and judgements. Everyone is a victim of their own ambiguities. 

Scarcity

Life is suppose to be happy,

Not happy forever,

But happy in few bits and pieces.

The pieces that are torn out by,

The sadness,

The sorrow,

The gloominess,

The fear,

& the tears.

The all upheavals make us realise,

how valuable the smile is,

The all emptiness inside make us wonder,

how precious the loved ones are.

& the happiness forever is a myth,

Which is no god for anyone.

My reasons 

IMG_4619

I like when I take care of my emotions. 

People say they  flicker.  

People say they’re transient. 

People say they’re dreamy.  

People say they’re rootless. 

They fail to realise, 

Those emotions are only defining me at that moment, 

And such infinite defining pointless points of life 

Are giving me reason to live, 

And one day not to live.  

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